“Why didn’t you tell me you were this unhappy?” asks the Too-Late-Woke Husband to the back of his wife’s head as she walks out the door rolling her eyes.
This article is aimed at all you clueless husbands (I would say you know who you are, but you don’t). Also, severely discontented wives might find it interesting to conspicuously leave a copy around the house before they finally give up on their relationship. The idea here is to wake you (the husband) up to the reality of your wife’s negative feelings about you and your marriage before it’s way too late. Many a husband doesn’t get “woke” (as the kids say these days) until they watch their long-suffering wife walk out the door with suitcases in her hands. They have now become a “woke” husband, realizing that their wife really means business.
Whether they are also “too-late-woke” depends on where the wife is. Don’t let this happen to you! Wake up now before it’s too late!
Not convinced yet? Read on!
Please wake up to the possibility that your wife is unhappy. Just because she hasn’t expressed it for a while doesn’t necessarily mean that “no news is good news.” Any good relationship requires continuous attention and meaningful actions in response to complaints. Yours is no different.
Most relationships go through a cycle where everything’s great at the beginning. Then reality sets in and complaints increase as you try to adjust to those realities. It’s important during this stage that all complaints are considered and addressed in some meaningful fashion. And yes, this works both ways.
Lastly, there’s a stage where each of you contemplates whether the relationship is going to work for you or not. If your wife has been complaining and you’ve done either nothing or the bare minimum in response, she may either escalate her complaints or eventually give up and start planning her exit strategy.
It’s important for you to know that around 70% of all divorces are initiated by wives. Yikes! Furthermore, once a woman has decided to take that action, it’s highly unlikely she’ll change her mind. Double yikes! Hence, she becomes a “walkaway wife.” If this happens, most likely it’s too little, too late to try to make repairs. So again, wake up now!
Your wife may have suffered, either in silence or quite loudly, through many years of marital dissatisfaction, trying anything she can think of to get through to you. She may have only stayed for the sake of the kids, out of a sense of obligation, or due to fears of financial difficulties and the loss of a lifestyle. Women seem to be able to bear a lot of pain (as is witnessed during childbirth). So, if she’s got it in her mind to walk out the door, it’s pretty bad from her perspective.
Do something now, dude!
If this concerns you (and even if it doesn’t), check in with your wife, with your wife’s sister or mother or best friend, or someone who’s willing to talk to you about this. You may even take the step of contacting a therapist who can help you figure out what steps you’ll need to take to salvage your relationship before it’s too late. These steps may be painful and way out of character for you. Yet, if you don’t take them, you’ll soon be sitting across the desk of a divorce attorney or mediator. Not fun, trust me!
Again, don’t wait until divorce papers arrive in your mailbox. Do it now! You’ll thank me later.
Copyright 2018 Daniel J. Metevier